| WELCOME! |
[Friday
March 27th, 2020 at 11:59am] |
.:FRIENDS ONLY:.
If I know you in real life I might not approve you to be my friend. Just saying.
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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| Fashion Week! |
[Friday
September 11th, 2009 at 10:19am] |
Just wanted to share ...
My school has full access to Fashion Week and we will be putting all the shows on our page www.WFITNYC.com. Check it out! Shows will be added soon and we will have everyone! Calvin Klein, Ralph Lauren (which I get to go to and record! So exciting) and a whole lot more!
We'll even have some interviews with the models, designers and celebs.
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Tuesday
September 8th, 2009 at 9:58pm] |
What is happiness?
What is love?
Does it exist or is it just Hollywood magic to make us believe
I cant stand feeling so broken ...
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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| The Time Has Come ... |
[Monday
September 7th, 2009 at 9:22pm] |
to get back to this journal.
I need an escape, I need an outlet and this is going to have to be it.
Live is good, let me start by saying that but some aspects are not.
I feel completely lost. I feel like I do not know myself anymore. I feel like I am always longer for the "old me." I feel like ... I am slowly falling back in to everything I thought I moved on from.
Having a child is a blessing and I love it but its almost a year later and I am fat. Lets be honest, you know this, I know this and I have tried and tried but it is just getting to be too much and I want a quick fix. I want to feel like I use to, I want it to consume my thoughts, my life. I want to fit in my old clothes and then have them fall off like they use to. I can not continue to live this life and pretend I am happy how I am and everything will be fine if I take it slow. Screw that! I can not stand to be fat, I can not stand fat people and fatty foods and watching people stuff their faces and most of all I cant take how I just let myself be tricked into thinking that since I am in a relationship and I just had a baby and this and that that its ok to let myself have that ice cream or more snacks. I am done with it all. I tried, I failed. Back to the only way I know how. I need control and tonight as I sit here feeling absolutely full and bloated and swearing I can feel the ice cream building fat on my thighs and arms as I type, I am making the decision to get serious. Its sad my life always resorts back to this but it does. I dont know why, but it does. I would love to know how "normal" people live and eat and enjoy themselves without stressing and worrying and then being pissed off about how I screwed up yet another day.
I really hope I never have a daughter. I could only imagine how my issues would screw her up.
But really this was just to say that I am back and will update regularly.... if anyone cares!
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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| Hello Again! |
[Sunday
June 7th, 2009 at 7:04am] |
I can now post from my phone so I am back. Lol. Like anyone really cares.
So today I sit here thinking of Kfest and what I would be doing if I had contacted them about a job. Sucks. I miss it terribly. I think next week tho I am going to contact them and see if I can do promotions again. I need to be connected to radio and I miss K and now I am finally in the position to do part time stuff again and I want to do promotions. I also need to get in contact with everyone again. I'm so stupid. I just stop talking to people and I shouldn't have. Oh well. Ok back to bed. Maybe if Norman will let us.
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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| Life Plan |
[Thursday
March 12th, 2009 at 3:26pm] |
So since I have been getting crazy lately with thinking and worrying and stressing, I have made a plan for the next few years ...
~LIFE PLAN~
March 28th 2008 (DONE!)
– Meet with The Fashion Institute of Technology and get info!
September 1st (DONE! ACCEPTED!)
– Apply to FIT for Spring 2009 as a transfer.
- Will most likely need to complete a year for my associates and then enroll in their bachelors program.
Jan 2009 (DONE!)
– Start school – 1st year.
May 2010
-Graduate FIT with my Associates in Advertising and Marketing Communications.
Sept 2010
– Start 1st year for Bachelors.
Sept 2011
– Start 2nd year for Bachelors.
May 2012
– Graduate with my bachelors in Advertising and Marketing Communications.
June 2012
– Awesome Job! Either in NYC or finally move to LA!
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2 -LIVE TO LOVE- -LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Thursday
July 31st, 2008 at 12:57pm] |
So here it is, July 31st. I have not written anything in this thing for 2 months. Usually I only write when I am annoyed, pissed off, depressed, worried or whatever. Usually when I am happy and things are good, I dont really care to share my life. But I am bored here at work so I will write a little update.
As of today I am 33 weeks, 3 days pregnant! Only a little bit more to go before I get to meet my son. I can't wait. I am really excited to move on to this next step in my life. Norm is excited too. Every night he reads him stories and the baby has come accustom to it I think b/c he always starts moving about when 10pm rolls around and then the whole time he is moving and kicking, its awesome. We had the shower a few weekends ago, got a lot of awesome stuff. This child has more clothes that I do. He should be set until he is 5 LOL. Such cute things also, people really found cute things and not 1 double which I find amazing considering all the clothes we got.
Right now I am just counting down the days till the baby, but first the end of work! August 22nd can not come soon enough! This place is killing me lately. Most days I feel crappy, either my stomach hurts or my back hurts or I am just not comfortable but still I suck it up and come and sit here for 8 hours. Get my work done in 2 hours and play around the rest of the day. I am very rearly late or leave early for not feeling good. Maybe twice in the last 2 weeks. Yet I swear, everyone else just comes and goes as they please. Who comes in late and then takes a 2 hour lunch and then leaves early, who doesn't come in at all. It amazes me that not one person says anything either, yet if I am an hour late I feel sooo guilty. But whatever I guess thats just me. It just pisses me off because if anyone should be late or leaving early or taking nap breaks it should be me. Only a few weeks left tho so I think I can hold on till then.
What else ... what else ... I think that is pretty much it. Nothings really happening. Just getting ready for baby, paying bills off which is awesome. I only have 2 bills and I am completely out of debt. My car is paid off, my credit cards are paid off, I just have school loans from stupid dutchess but they aren't a lot at all. Ooo and exciting. I did my credit score and its friggin 739! I was amazed! its nice to see my hard work paid off and when we go get a house or I buy a new car I'll get a great rate and not get screwed, but thats a ways from now. Our main focus is paying the rest off and saving, saving, saving. I want to have close to $20,000 in savings by next september and if we stick to the plan we will. That will allow us to have a nice, not crazy wedding plus still have some for a down payment or whatever to get a house. Thats if we don't end up taking over Norms parents house which would be great. I really do not want to live in Dover but I would put up with it for a few years. With all the bull I do not want my kids really going to dover schools unless its just the elementary school but now with the high school apparently having gangs?!?! Screw that! I'd shell out money for private school before I let my child go where he might end up getting involved with people I'd rather him not come in contact with. I just want my children to have a good life and have all the opportunities in the world to do whatever they want to do and not get caught up in bull that could ruin their lives. But I guess every parent wants that and maybe its just now that I am looking at things differently and seeing the bad as well as the good in everything. I dont know.
But ok ... back to work!
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Wednesday
May 28th, 2008 at 11:22am] |
Nothing is ever impossible right?
I try to tell myself this daily b/c its the only way to not start to over think everything and stress out about things I can not change.
There are just some things I really want to do, I really want to experience, I really want to accomplish in my life and I just need to remember that nothing is impossible and there will always be someone I can pay to watch my child if I need to do something that will keep me away from home for a bit and by doing that I am not a bad mother ... I am just bettering myself to down the line get a better job to better everyone ...
I want next summer to come already.
I already know what I want my summer job to be.
Hopefully it all pans out like I want it to ...
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Tuesday
May 27th, 2008 at 11:37am] |
It seems like every night there is something that keeps me up.
Last night it was constant dreams of Andy and his car accident and all this random stuff that I really do not want to be dreaming of. If it was of just him, fine but I really do not want to have vivid dreams of the accident or of being in a hospital or of anything like that. It seriously kept me awake because every time I'd fall asleep I would drift back into those dreams. My mind has just been filed with such horrid things lately and I don't know why ... part of me thinks it has to do with the baby. I think a lot lately and with Andy I just think of how horrible it is and then I think of my child and how right now everything is perfect but there is no way of telling how and when their life might end. Boys are reckless and don't really think and who knows if one day something horrible could happen to my son. I don't think his mother ever thought his life would go as it did and end how it did and that is something i think of b/c you just never know what the future can bring ... and maybe for the first time I am starting to see just how scary this life is and just how quick it can end ...
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Wednesday
May 21st, 2008 at 12:44pm] |
One day I want to go on tour.
Doesn't matter if its a week or a month but at some point I would like to have said I did it.
Goal for next summer.
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Friday
May 16th, 2008 at 10:55am] |
So every once in awhile I go through the "time to fix up the Jetta" phase. Well I always have the idea that I want to fix it up, sport it out but I just always talk myself out of buy things b/c I should use the money on something else. I'll get little shits here and there but nothing crazy until now! I want to do it all! I am so tired of it being just started. I've had it 5 years now. It's paid off ... sooo I think its time to get at it! I just bought awesome smoked side markers to replace the orange stock ones that look ugly and I want to get smoked turn signals and such for the front. I found black emblems that I think I might be buying sometime today and then it’s on to the interior. I figure I'll work in stages. The exterior is ok for now, once I get those things. This weekend I am finally removing the last of the stars; the one on the hood is all cracked and faded so its time it came off. I'll fix the stupid door panels that never seem to want to stay put, I want to clean it, wash it and if the weather is ok, wax it. I need new wipers, going to try again to find either red ones or black ones that are dual b/c they work a lot better than the cheap ass Wal-Mart ones on their now. And then the exterior will be complete FOR NOW! Still need the ground effects and spoiler but those will have to wait a bit. Then it’s onto the interior. I want to convert it all from tan to black. Black leather would be awesome so we'll see what I can find. We're going to check out junk yards and see if I can piece things out for cheap to do the interior or else I found mostly everything on ebay, its just pricey because of shipping costs and such. THEN ... down the line, it’s the engine. My project for next summer while the boy enjoys the pack and play outside, I want to learn how to do all the maintenance on my car and I want to replace as much as I can. I would LOVE to take the engine out, clean EVERYTHING, spray paint the shell inside black again where its all faded and such and then clean all the parts and put it back together so the engine looks nice and clean and THEN eventually I'd like to get a V6 BUT that’s pricey so it will have to wait. I figured this would be my project car. Why not. I really am not going to part with it and it’s in pretty good shape both body wise and engine wise so it would be a waste to get rid of it.
But ok enought for now... back to work and looking on Ebay
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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| Cord Blood Banking. |
[Thursday
May 15th, 2008 at 11:25am] |
Hi everyone!
We set up a site to educate everyone on Cord Blood Banking and to help show just how important it is. We have already decided it is something we want to do for our family, God forbid something was to happen in the future, we would be prepared. It's a bit pricey to come up with all the money due in only a few months, so we are asking for some help.
On the page is all the information as well as a link to donate. Any amount big or small will help so please take a second and read through the site and if you feel like you are capable of helping us, than please do. If at this moment you can't, that is fine as well but thank you for educating yourself on Cord Blood Banking.
Thank you so much to everyone who helps us reach our goal and gives us the gift of a miracle and possibly life!
Cord Blood Banking - Norman Joseph Morey!
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Tuesday
March 18th, 2008 at 11:45am] |
I wish I had a friend.
A best friend.
That I could talk to and whom I could trust.
There is no one tho.
Everyone is so bias that I need someone neutral.
Someone who knows everything and wont say anything but let me talk.
Give advice, tell me what I should do, how I should feel.
But not be judgmental.
This person does not exist because I am only good at hurting people and pushing them away.
Oh how I just love myself sometimes.
I have seriously fucked up everything I have touched.
And it scares me to think that now I am going to be responsible for another life.
I just prey to god I don't fuck this child up as well.
Maybe they would be better being raised by parents that are more mature and ready to take on this task?!?!
But maybe one day I'll realize I am stronger and more prepared than I think?!?!
I just wouldn't be able to live with myself if they grow up to hate me.
I can only hope.
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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| I'm Engaged!!! |
[Tuesday
February 26th, 2008 at 11:20am] |
Yup yup!!!
Norm proposed at the Rangers game Sunday night.
It was perfect.
I sort of had an idea. He's bad at keeping secrets.
But I didn't know when it would happen.
The ring is beautiful.
I'll try to include some pics taken from my cell but they don't at all do it justice.
Its three diamond hearts. One big in the middle and two smaller hearts on the side.
It actually feels right this time and I couldn't be happier.
The wedding we already have the date, will be 10/31/09.
We now just need to go make the reservations so we can make sure we get the date.
I'm thinking of it being like a masquerade ball type thing. I'd love everyone to wear black or red, which are the colors and then we'll give them all masks when they enter the party. I want it to be very planned and everyone matching. Everyone said to make it a costume wedding but I'd rather not. A simple, formal ball is just perfect. I already have all the ideas to decorate the place, I just need to talk to them. I dont want just classic white inside. I want each table to have a black table cloth with a red one over it and with red/black rose petals on the tables and some sort of center piece and I want it sort of dark and just the candles on the table to be the light. OOooo I cant wait!!! So excited!
Also the baby is doing really good 11weeks, 1 day today. Can't believe it! We got to hear the heartbeat yesterday. So awesome!!!
( Ok pictures as promised!!! )
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Tuesday
February 12th, 2008 at 1:55pm] |
Amazing!
So today I walk in to a kid going "Congratulations!"
I looked at him and went, for what.
I knew damn well what he meant but I hadn't told anyone but my boss.
So he turned all red and shut up and I said, it's ok, I just wasn't aware anyone knew but thank you.
Apparently everyone here knows. Not that I give 1 once of breathe to that fact that they know. I put it on myspace, I figured it was only a matter of time but apparently everyone has known since last week. I put it on myspace last week, that meant someone was stalking my page for every little update and then went and run there mouth. Whatever really. I don't care, I just think its childish. At least have the courtesy to say something to me or ask if I mind they tell the whole world. It's my news to tell who I want to tell no anyone else's and I told my friends and family so there for I didn't think work colleges really needed to know my business until I was ready to tell them. But its out there and theres nothing I can do. It's fine, I'm happy and excited about it and could careless what others think or whisper behind my back so I hope they had their fun with it, at least for a couple of days.
But anyway- Went for another doctors appointment today and this time it was with the specialist so they could date everything correctly. They did the ultrasound and I am now 9w1d along and not 8w1d like they thought. The baby has grown so much in the last 2 weeks. It went from the picture in the previous post which was really just a blob to what i'll post below. It has arms and legs and a head and you can see brain mass developing. Crazy shit! It like more than doubled it size in 2 weeks. Norm came and saw it and he was just speechless. I was glad he was there this time. We didnt get to hear the heartbeat tho but its 168.17 bpm so I guess thats good. Now if only I could tell if it was a girl or boy! Ugh! thats the hardest part... waiting!!
( On to the pictures!!! )
ALSO- I am parting out the jetta... well really changing the entire interior from tan to black SOoo if anyone needs and MK3 Jetta parts, hit me up. Everything is in perfect condition and cleaned really nice. I figured I'll put the new car on hold and work on making mine how I always wanted it. I'm planning to keep it anyway so why not!
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2 -LIVE TO LOVE- -LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Monday
February 11th, 2008 at 1:27pm] |
Time for an update!
And a quite exciting one at that.
Where to start ... So a complete surprise hit Norm and I and in September we will be parents!!! Thats is totally and completely terrifying but also extremely exciting!!! We found out early January but wanted to wait to see the doctor before we told anyone, which we saw on the 23rd and then told everyone. They were all very supportive and excited which helped calm my nervous and worries so now I can focus on the future and planning and making sure everything is set in time for the baby (who I hope is a girl!!!) We have an awesome plan also! First it seemed like things would be a bit stressful but we decided to stay with my mom for about a year or so to pay things off and save some money. We didn't want to rush into anything and in the end screw ourselves over but as the days/weeks go by things just keep getting better and its incredible. We went from both having ridiculous amounts of debt to in a few months, nothing! Norm had his truck which he still owed about $18,000 to as well as some medical bills that were about $13,000 and then some credit cards and other stuff but those were our main worries especially since after I have the baby I wanted to stop working for a bit, finish my bacholars and then find an awesome internship in the city and land an even better, more rewarding job. But Friday Norm's boss decided he wanted to give him a clean slate since he does such great work for him and the business has boomed since he started working for him, he is also only a few years away from becoming part owner, really an awesome job he got himself, but yeah so his boss will be paying off his truck and medical bills which means that we can throw all extra money to the other bills. I have already paid off 3 since we have found out, 3! thats amazing PLUS my car will be payed off on Friday which means the insurance will be lowered. That leaves only a few things left to go and with his job and mine and his side work at Halls in the summer we can have everything payed off in a few months and be debt free. Then we can starting throwing everything to savings. We have already picked a date for the wedding, 10/31/09, I love Halloween and it falls on a Saturday so what could be better (oh yeah the ring maybe hehe, its coming tho, shhhh cant tell him I know!) So we have a date and some places and some prices so soon we will go talk to them and reserve the date and set up a payment plan so its not all at once but instead a little bit each month and now with all the extra money we can really plan what we want and not what money will allow. We still plan to not go over $10,000, but for like 120 people and everything I think thats not a bad budget. So thats the plan! Start saving towards the wedding and paying that off and then throw more to a savings account for a house. We are going to take whatever we save for the house plus the money from the wedding and that will be our down payment. We plan to wait till after the wedding to start looking so that means about 2 years with my mom, give or take. Thats the plan but of course if we make good progress with the bills and savings and wedding and can find a house sooner that we cant pass up, then we will try sooner. We are thinking of looking in New Milford. Really I want west coast, Arizona or Cali but right now we have to think logically. He has a great job that will bring in a lot of money in the next few years and once it he becomes part owner it will only get better. When they sell he is already promised a minimum of a million dollars so it would be completely stupid to move and have him give that up. So New Milford is my settlement. I will not live or raise my family in Dover or Wingdale or anywhere with people I dislike, so New Milford I can do. Its just expensive at the moment but hopefully down the line we can find something manageable. I would love to get something on Candlewood lake and then get a boat and have a private dock lol yes I'm a big dreamer but nothing is impossible, I see that now.
So thats basically what I have been up to the last few weeks!
Things couldn't be better right now and I am very happy!
And with only some nausea on rare occasions, I feel fine!
Dr's appointment tomorrow which means more pictures!
I cant wait to find out what it is!!! I hate waiting!!!
( Here's the first picture!!! )
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-LEARN TO LIVE-
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[Wednesday
January 16th, 2008 at 2:13pm] |
I am so BORED!!!
Tonight I am going to start building a website for my clothing line as well as put photoshop cs on a cd and then on my down time I can be building the site, making some new designs and getting everything ready to launch. By the end of the year Faded Dreamz Designz will be up and running and hopefully people will be buying shirts. I am done with sitting at a desk. I want my own business that I can make money off of while doing what ever the hell I want during the day.
Oh and if anyone knows of any printing places with reasonable prices, please let me know. Someone maybe that doesn't require you print 200 shirts at a time. I want to mix and match and not have to spend a fortune in the beginning since I am poor. Also I wanted to do like a punk/rock maternity section since all that there is out there is for adults and not anything for younger adults (just look at the Hollywood expectants! there wardrobe is lacking and doesn't show their age, instead makes them appear lame and older) so I need to find a printing place that will print on whatever you give them. That would really be ideal. Ideas! Thoughts! Concerns! Send them my way!
The count down is on!!!
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1 -LIVE TO LOVE- -LEARN TO LIVE-
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